Matthew 11:28 & 1 Peter 5:6-7

How do you explain an emotional roller coaster? It’s difficult, trust me I’ve tried to explain it and the more I try or David tries the more frustrated and angry we have become. It wasn’t until I spoke with A.B. that I realized and understood that we are NOT in control, no matter how much we think we are, we just are NOT!!

Tuesday night was a very emotional night for the family, we all sat there, listening to stories, talking amongst ourselves trying to hold back tears and we would do our best with quick wipes of tissues to the eyes. All of us trying to be strong not only for each other but for Graydon and he in turn doing the same, trying to stay positive and strong for us in hopes that it would make it easier for us. As our visitation was coming to a close, Graydon told us all that he didn’t know what was going to happen on Wednesday but he was at peace and that he loved us all. Most of us couldn’t believe our ears; he was saying is good-byes to us all. We all handled that differently, but we were sure not to break down in front of him, we would discretely move the hallway with other family. Once composed we would venture back in with red eyes but not wet ones.

Carol stayed with Graydon Tuesday night and Wednesday when David, myself and Betty got to the hospital Carol said he had slept better than he had been. Later in the day it was Tommy that said, well he has made peace about the whole situation and he has said his good-byes. He is ready and that is why he had slept better. Tommy was probably right.

Let me tell you, it is the most difficult thing to witness someone who looks like they are not ill with the exception of the IV’s plugged into their arms, joking around with everyone including the nurses, doctors and other staff and is just upbeat throughout this whole ordeal; all the while knowing that they are very ill on the inside.

Wednesday we were all under the impression that Graydon would have the heart cath done. This cath was being done for 2 reasons:

1. To force his heart to pump more, in hopes to make his heart pump more on it's own

2. To see if his heart would be strong enough for the ventricular heart pump.

When the nurse came in Wednesday morning she informed us that the doctor was impressed with his labs from Tuesday evening and early Wednesday morning. They looked better than he had anticipated them to be. So the doctor wanted to wait for the afternoon labs to see if he would even do the heart cath.

When his labs came back they looked so much better. 2 levels were very close to normal, but not there yet, which cancelled his heart cath procedure for Wednesday and they would not be doing it Thursday (today) either. The meds that they are giving him are doing their jobs in getting the fluid off of his body and the other his helping his heart pump more to help with proper kidney function.

So let’s jump to today ….

1. Graydon had a PIC put in because he’s had a heck of a time with IV’s staying in. I mean being in there now 18 days, one could only fig-it so much to stay comfortable.

2. His sodium levels have increased which is good, that tells us that his kidneys are working

3. His lab work looks better

4. They’re working to get him almost to that dehydrated state to try and get him over that peak to where his heart will kick in and work harder on it’s own without the meds.

5. An Ultrasound will be done on his bladder sometime today

Beginning tomorrow or Saturday they will start weaning him off the meds again to see if his heart and kidneys will work on their own. If not, well that is part of that emotional roller coaster I was telling you about before. It has been one day at a time and it will continue to be ….. but as a dear friend told me yesterday when I was on my emotional out pour, remember Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Last night I let go of my frustrations and emotions and have put those in the hand of the Lord. Graydon may not be my father, but I consider him to be. I also know that this situation his not in my hands nor my time, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7.

Please continue to pray for our families as we all will ride an emotional roller coaster of some sort and pray that we will have as much peace with the decisions as Graydon has. We love you all.